diff --git a/docs/dilation-protocol.md b/docs/dilation-protocol.md
index 03716e9..7625353 100644
--- a/docs/dilation-protocol.md
+++ b/docs/dilation-protocol.md
@@ -131,25 +131,24 @@ Each `DILATE-n` message is a JSON-encoded dictionary with a `type` field that
 has a string value. The dictionary will have other keys that depend upon the
 type.
 
-`w.dilate()` triggers transmission of a `please-dilate` record with a set of
-versions that can be accepted. Versions use strings, rather than integers, to
-support experimental protocols, however there is still a total ordering of
-preferability.
+`w.dilate()` triggers transmission of a `please` (i.e. "please dilate")
+record with a set of versions that can be accepted. Versions use strings,
+rather than integers, to support experimental protocols, however there is
+still a total ordering of preferability.
 
 ```
-{ "type": "please-dilate",
+{ "type": "please",
   "side": "abcdef",
   "accepted-versions": ["1"]
 }
 ```
 
-If one side receives a `please-dilate` before `w.dilate()` has been called
-locally, the contents are stored in case `w.dilate()` is called in the
-future. Once both `w.dilate()` has been called and the peer's `please-dilate`
-has been received, the side determines whether it is the Leader or the
-Follower. Both sides also compare `accepted-versions` fields to choose the
-best mutually-compatible version to use: they should always pick the same
-one.
+If one side receives a `please` before `w.dilate()` has been called locally,
+the contents are stored in case `w.dilate()` is called in the future. Once
+both `w.dilate()` has been called and the peer's `please` has been received,
+the side determines whether it is the Leader or the Follower. Both sides also
+compare `accepted-versions` fields to choose the best mutually-compatible
+version to use: they should always pick the same one.
 
 Then both sides begin the connection process for generation 1 by opening
 listening sockets and sending `connection-hint` records for each one. After a
@@ -465,11 +464,11 @@ side seeking to send a file.
 
 Each subchannel uses a distinct subchannel-id, which is a four-byte
 identifier. Both directions share a number space (unlike L4 seqnums), so the
-rule is that the Leader side sets the last bit of the last byte to a 0, while
-the Follower sets it to a 1. These are not generally treated as integers,
+rule is that the Leader side sets the last bit of the last byte to a 1, while
+the Follower sets it to a 0. These are not generally treated as integers,
 however for the sake of debugging, the implementation generates them with a
-simple big-endian-encoded counter (`counter*2+2` for the Leader,
-`counter*2+1` for the Follower, with id `0` reserved for the control
+simple big-endian-encoded counter (`counter*2+1` for the Leader,
+`counter*2+2` for the Follower, with id `0` reserved for the control
 channel).
 
 When the `client_ep.connect()` API is called, the Initiator allocates a
diff --git a/src/wormhole/_dilation/manager.py b/src/wormhole/_dilation/manager.py
index 9a12409..f38390b 100644
--- a/src/wormhole/_dilation/manager.py
+++ b/src/wormhole/_dilation/manager.py
@@ -188,7 +188,7 @@ class Manager(object):
 
     def connector_connection_lost(self):
         self._stop_using_connection()
-        if self.role is LEADER:
+        if self._my_role is LEADER:
             self.connection_lost_leader()  # state machine
         else:
             self.connection_lost_follower()
@@ -256,6 +256,9 @@ class Manager(object):
     def start(self):
         self.send_please()
 
+    def send_please(self):
+        self.send_dilation_phase(type="please", side=self._my_side)
+
     @m.state(initial=True)
     def WANTING(self):
         pass  # pragma: no cover
@@ -278,7 +281,7 @@ class Manager(object):
 
     @m.state()
     def LONELY(self):
-        pass  # pragme: no cover
+        pass  # pragma: no cover
 
     @m.state()
     def STOPPING(self):
@@ -306,7 +309,7 @@ class Manager(object):
 
     # Connector gives us connection_made()
     @m.input()
-    def connection_made(self, c):
+    def connection_made(self):
         pass  # pragma: no cover
 
     # our connection_lost() fires connection_lost_leader or
@@ -341,17 +344,17 @@ class Manager(object):
             raise ValueError("their side shouldn't be equal: reflection?")
 
     # these Outputs behave differently for the Leader vs the Follower
-    @m.output()
-    def send_please(self):
-        self.send_dilation_phase(type="please", side=self._my_side)
 
     @m.output()
     def start_connecting_ignore_message(self, message):
         del message  # ignored
-        return self.start_connecting()
+        return self._start_connecting()
 
     @m.output()
     def start_connecting(self):
+        self._start_connecting()
+
+    def _start_connecting(self):
         assert self._my_role is not None
         self._connector = Connector(self._transit_key,
                                     self._transit_relay_location,
@@ -447,7 +450,7 @@ class Dilator(object):
     before we know whether we'll be the Leader or the Follower. Once we
     hear the other side's VERSION message (which tells us that we have a
     connection, they are capable of dilating, and which side we're on),
-    then we build a DilationManager and hand control to it.
+    then we build a Manager and hand control to it.
     """
 
     _reactor = attrib()
@@ -532,6 +535,7 @@ class Dilator(object):
         self._transit_key = derive_key(key, purpose, LENGTH)
 
     def got_wormhole_versions(self, their_wormhole_versions):
+        assert self._transit_key is not None
         # this always happens before received_dilate
         dilation_version = None
         their_dilation_versions = set(their_wormhole_versions.get("can-dilate", []))
@@ -554,11 +558,13 @@ class Dilator(object):
         message = bytes_to_dict(plaintext)
         type = message["type"]
         if type == "please":
-            self._manager.rx_PLEASE()  # message)
-        elif type == "dilate":
-            self._manager.rx_DILATE()  # message)
+            self._manager.rx_PLEASE(message)
         elif type == "connection-hints":
             self._manager.rx_HINTS(message)
+        elif type == "reconnect":
+            self._manager.rx_RECONNECT()
+        elif type == "reconnecting":
+            self._manager.rx_RECONNECTING()
         else:
             log.err(UnknownDilationMessageType(message))
             return
diff --git a/src/wormhole/test/dilate/test_manager.py b/src/wormhole/test/dilate/test_manager.py
index 66f0186..f0d50a0 100644
--- a/src/wormhole/test/dilate/test_manager.py
+++ b/src/wormhole/test/dilate/test_manager.py
@@ -7,10 +7,13 @@ import mock
 from ...eventual import EventualQueue
 from ..._interfaces import ISend, IDilationManager
 from ...util import dict_to_bytes
-from ..._dilation.manager import (Dilator,
+from ..._dilation import roles
+from ..._dilation.encode import to_be4
+from ..._dilation.manager import (Dilator, Manager, make_side,
                                   OldPeerCannotDilateError,
                                   UnknownDilationMessageType)
 from ..._dilation.subchannel import _WormholeAddress
+from ..._dilation.connection import Open, Data, Close, Ack
 from .common import clear_mock_calls
 
 
@@ -30,9 +33,8 @@ def make_dilator():
     dil.wire(send)
     return dil, send, reactor, eq, clock, coop
 
-
 class TestDilator(unittest.TestCase):
-    def test_leader(self):
+    def test_manager_and_endpoints(self):
         dil, send, reactor, eq, clock, coop = make_dilator()
         d1 = dil.dilate()
         d2 = dil.dilate()
@@ -52,16 +54,15 @@ class TestDilator(unittest.TestCase):
         m = mock.Mock()
         alsoProvides(m, IDilationManager)
         m.when_first_connected.return_value = wfc_d = Deferred()
-        # TODO: test missing can-dilate, and no-overlap
         with mock.patch("wormhole._dilation.manager.Manager",
                         return_value=m) as ml:
             with mock.patch("wormhole._dilation.manager.make_side",
                             return_value="us"):
                 dil.got_wormhole_versions({"can-dilate": ["1"]})
-            # that should create the Manager. Because "us" > "them", we're
-            # the leader
+        # that should create the Manager
         self.assertEqual(ml.mock_calls, [mock.call(send, "us", transit_key,
                                                    None, reactor, eq, coop)])
+        # and tell it to start, and get wait-for-it-to-connect Deferred
         self.assertEqual(m.mock_calls, [mock.call.start(),
                                         mock.call.when_first_connected(),
                                         ])
@@ -107,9 +108,11 @@ class TestDilator(unittest.TestCase):
         eq.flush_sync()
         self.assertEqual(eps, self.successResultOf(d3))
 
+        # all subsequent DILATE-n messages should get passed to the manager
         self.assertEqual(m.mock_calls, [])
-        dil.received_dilate(dict_to_bytes(dict(type="please")))
-        self.assertEqual(m.mock_calls, [mock.call.rx_PLEASE()])
+        pleasemsg = dict(type="please", side="them")
+        dil.received_dilate(dict_to_bytes(pleasemsg))
+        self.assertEqual(m.mock_calls, [mock.call.rx_PLEASE(pleasemsg)])
         clear_mock_calls(m)
 
         hintmsg = dict(type="connection-hints")
@@ -117,47 +120,27 @@ class TestDilator(unittest.TestCase):
         self.assertEqual(m.mock_calls, [mock.call.rx_HINTS(hintmsg)])
         clear_mock_calls(m)
 
-        dil.received_dilate(dict_to_bytes(dict(type="dilate")))
-        self.assertEqual(m.mock_calls, [mock.call.rx_DILATE()])
+        # we're nominally the LEADER, and the leader would not normally be
+        # receiving a RECONNECT, but since we've mocked out the Manager it
+        # won't notice
+        dil.received_dilate(dict_to_bytes(dict(type="reconnect")))
+        self.assertEqual(m.mock_calls, [mock.call.rx_RECONNECT()])
+        clear_mock_calls(m)
+
+        dil.received_dilate(dict_to_bytes(dict(type="reconnecting")))
+        self.assertEqual(m.mock_calls, [mock.call.rx_RECONNECTING()])
         clear_mock_calls(m)
 
         dil.received_dilate(dict_to_bytes(dict(type="unknown")))
         self.assertEqual(m.mock_calls, [])
         self.flushLoggedErrors(UnknownDilationMessageType)
 
-    def test_follower(self):
-        # todo: this no longer proceeds far enough to pick a side
-        dil, send, reactor, eq, clock, coop = make_dilator()
-        d1 = dil.dilate()
-        self.assertNoResult(d1)
-        self.assertEqual(send.mock_calls, [])
-
-        key = b"key"
-        transit_key = object()
-        with mock.patch("wormhole._dilation.manager.derive_key",
-                        return_value=transit_key):
-            dil.got_key(key)
-
-        m = mock.Mock()
-        alsoProvides(m, IDilationManager)
-        m.when_first_connected.return_value = Deferred()
-        with mock.patch("wormhole._dilation.manager.Manager", return_value=m) as mf:
-            with mock.patch("wormhole._dilation.manager.make_side",
-                            return_value="me"):
-                dil.got_wormhole_versions({"can-dilate": ["1"]})
-        # we want to dilate (dil.dilate() above), and now we know they *can*
-        # dilate (got_wormhole_versions), so we create and start the manager
-        self.assertEqual(mf.mock_calls, [mock.call(send, "me", transit_key,
-                                                   None, reactor, eq, coop)])
-        self.assertEqual(m.mock_calls, [mock.call.start(),
-                                        mock.call.when_first_connected(),
-                                        ])
-
     def test_peer_cannot_dilate(self):
         dil, send, reactor, eq, clock, coop = make_dilator()
         d1 = dil.dilate()
         self.assertNoResult(d1)
 
+        dil._transit_key = b"\x01"*32
         dil.got_wormhole_versions({})  # missing "can-dilate"
         eq.flush_sync()
         f = self.failureResultOf(d1)
@@ -168,6 +151,7 @@ class TestDilator(unittest.TestCase):
         d1 = dil.dilate()
         self.assertNoResult(d1)
 
+        dil._transit_key = b"key"
         dil.got_wormhole_versions({"can-dilate": [-1]})
         eq.flush_sync()
         f = self.failureResultOf(d1)
@@ -178,7 +162,8 @@ class TestDilator(unittest.TestCase):
         dil._transit_key = b"key"
         d1 = dil.dilate()
         self.assertNoResult(d1)
-        dil.received_dilate(dict_to_bytes(dict(type="please")))
+        pleasemsg = dict(type="please", side="them")
+        dil.received_dilate(dict_to_bytes(pleasemsg))
         hintmsg = dict(type="connection-hints")
         dil.received_dilate(dict_to_bytes(hintmsg))
 
@@ -194,7 +179,7 @@ class TestDilator(unittest.TestCase):
         self.assertEqual(ml.mock_calls, [mock.call(send, "us", b"key",
                                                    None, reactor, eq, coop)])
         self.assertEqual(m.mock_calls, [mock.call.start(),
-                                        mock.call.rx_PLEASE(),
+                                        mock.call.rx_PLEASE(pleasemsg),
                                         mock.call.rx_HINTS(hintmsg),
                                         mock.call.when_first_connected()])
 
@@ -213,3 +198,382 @@ class TestDilator(unittest.TestCase):
                                                    relay, reactor, eq, coop),
                                          mock.call().start(),
                                          mock.call().when_first_connected()])
+
+LEADER = "ff3456abcdef"
+FOLLOWER = "123456abcdef"
+
+def make_manager(leader=True):
+    class Holder:
+        pass
+    h = Holder()
+    h.send = mock.Mock()
+    alsoProvides(h.send, ISend)
+    if leader:
+        side = LEADER
+    else:
+        side = FOLLOWER
+    h.key = b"\x00"*32
+    h.relay = None
+    h.reactor = object()
+    h.clock = Clock()
+    h.eq = EventualQueue(h.clock)
+    term = mock.Mock(side_effect=lambda: True)  # one write per Eventual tick
+    def term_factory():
+        return term
+    h.coop = Cooperator(terminationPredicateFactory=term_factory,
+                        scheduler=h.eq.eventually)
+    h.inbound = mock.Mock()
+    h.Inbound = mock.Mock(return_value=h.inbound)
+    h.outbound = mock.Mock()
+    h.Outbound = mock.Mock(return_value=h.outbound)
+    h.hostaddr = object()
+    with mock.patch("wormhole._dilation.manager.Inbound", h.Inbound):
+        with mock.patch("wormhole._dilation.manager.Outbound", h.Outbound):
+            with mock.patch("wormhole._dilation.manager._WormholeAddress",
+                            return_value=h.hostaddr):
+                m = Manager(h.send, side, h.key, h.relay, h.reactor, h.eq, h.coop)
+    return m, h
+
+class TestManager(unittest.TestCase):
+    def test_make_side(self):
+        side = make_side()
+        self.assertEqual(type(side), type(u""))
+        self.assertEqual(len(side), 2*6)
+
+    def test_create(self):
+        m, h = make_manager()
+
+    def test_leader(self):
+        m, h = make_manager(leader=True)
+        self.assertEqual(h.send.mock_calls, [])
+        self.assertEqual(h.Inbound.mock_calls, [mock.call(m, h.hostaddr)])
+        self.assertEqual(h.Outbound.mock_calls, [mock.call(m, h.coop)])
+
+        m.start()
+        self.assertEqual(h.send.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.send("dilate-0",
+                           dict_to_bytes({"type": "please", "side": LEADER}))
+            ])
+        clear_mock_calls(h.send)
+
+        wfc_d = m.when_first_connected()
+        self.assertNoResult(wfc_d)
+
+        # ignore early hints
+        m.rx_HINTS({})
+        self.assertEqual(h.send.mock_calls, [])
+
+        c = mock.Mock()
+        connector = mock.Mock(return_value=c)
+        with mock.patch("wormhole._dilation.manager.Connector", connector):
+            # receiving this PLEASE triggers creation of the Connector
+            m.rx_PLEASE({"side": FOLLOWER})
+        self.assertEqual(h.send.mock_calls, [])
+        self.assertEqual(connector.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call(b"\x00"*32, None, m, h.reactor, h.eq,
+                      False, # no_listen
+                      None, # tor
+                      None, # timing
+                      LEADER, roles.LEADER),
+            ])
+        self.assertEqual(c.mock_calls, [mock.call.start()])
+        clear_mock_calls(connector, c)
+
+        self.assertNoResult(wfc_d)
+
+        # now any inbound hints should get passed to our Connector
+        with mock.patch("wormhole._dilation.manager.parse_hint",
+                        side_effect=["p1", None, "p3"]) as ph:
+            m.rx_HINTS({"hints": [1, 2, 3]})
+        self.assertEqual(ph.mock_calls, [mock.call(1), mock.call(2), mock.call(3)])
+        self.assertEqual(c.mock_calls, [mock.call.got_hints(["p1", "p3"])])
+        clear_mock_calls(ph, c)
+
+        # and we send out any (listening) hints from our Connector
+        m.send_hints([1,2])
+        self.assertEqual(h.send.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.send("dilate-1",
+                           dict_to_bytes({"type": "connection-hints",
+                                          "hints": [1, 2]}))
+            ])
+        clear_mock_calls(h.send)
+
+        # the first successful connection fires when_first_connected(), so
+        # the Dilator can create and return the endpoints
+        c1 = mock.Mock()
+        m.connector_connection_made(c1)
+
+        self.assertEqual(h.inbound.mock_calls, [mock.call.use_connection(c1)])
+        self.assertEqual(h.outbound.mock_calls, [mock.call.use_connection(c1)])
+        clear_mock_calls(h.inbound, h.outbound)
+
+        h.eq.flush_sync()
+        self.successResultOf(wfc_d) # fires with None
+        wfc_d2 = m.when_first_connected()
+        h.eq.flush_sync()
+        self.successResultOf(wfc_d2)
+
+        scid0 = b"\x00\x00\x00\x00"
+        sc0 = mock.Mock()
+        m.set_subchannel_zero(scid0, sc0)
+        listen_ep = mock.Mock()
+        m.set_listener_endpoint(listen_ep)
+        self.assertEqual(h.inbound.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.set_subchannel_zero(scid0, sc0),
+            mock.call.set_listener_endpoint(listen_ep),
+            ])
+        clear_mock_calls(h.inbound)
+
+        # the Leader making a new outbound channel should get scid=1
+        scid1 = to_be4(1)
+        self.assertEqual(m.allocate_subchannel_id(), scid1)
+        r1 = Open(10, scid1) # seqnum=10
+        h.outbound.build_record = mock.Mock(return_value=r1)
+        m.send_open(scid1)
+        self.assertEqual(h.outbound.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.build_record(Open, scid1),
+            mock.call.queue_and_send_record(r1),
+            ])
+        clear_mock_calls(h.outbound)
+
+        r2 = Data(11, scid1, b"data")
+        h.outbound.build_record = mock.Mock(return_value=r2)
+        m.send_data(scid1, b"data")
+        self.assertEqual(h.outbound.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.build_record(Data, scid1, b"data"),
+            mock.call.queue_and_send_record(r2),
+            ])
+        clear_mock_calls(h.outbound)
+
+        r3 = Close(12, scid1)
+        h.outbound.build_record = mock.Mock(return_value=r3)
+        m.send_close(scid1)
+        self.assertEqual(h.outbound.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.build_record(Close, scid1),
+            mock.call.queue_and_send_record(r3),
+            ])
+        clear_mock_calls(h.outbound)
+
+        # ack the OPEN
+        m.got_record(Ack(10))
+        self.assertEqual(h.outbound.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.handle_ack(10)
+            ])
+        clear_mock_calls(h.outbound)
+
+        # test that inbound records get acked and routed to Inbound
+        h.inbound.is_record_old = mock.Mock(return_value=False)
+        scid2 = to_be4(2)
+        o200 = Open(200, scid2)
+        m.got_record(o200)
+        self.assertEqual(h.outbound.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.send_if_connected(Ack(200))
+            ])
+        self.assertEqual(h.inbound.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.is_record_old(o200),
+            mock.call.update_ack_watermark(200),
+            mock.call.handle_open(scid2),
+            ])
+        clear_mock_calls(h.outbound, h.inbound)
+
+        # old (duplicate) records should provoke new Acks, but not get
+        # forwarded
+        h.inbound.is_record_old = mock.Mock(return_value=True)
+        m.got_record(o200)
+        self.assertEqual(h.outbound.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.send_if_connected(Ack(200))
+            ])
+        self.assertEqual(h.inbound.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.is_record_old(o200),
+            ])
+        clear_mock_calls(h.outbound, h.inbound)
+
+        # check Data and Close too
+        h.inbound.is_record_old = mock.Mock(return_value=False)
+        d201 = Data(201, scid2, b"data")
+        m.got_record(d201)
+        self.assertEqual(h.outbound.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.send_if_connected(Ack(201))
+            ])
+        self.assertEqual(h.inbound.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.is_record_old(d201),
+            mock.call.update_ack_watermark(201),
+            mock.call.handle_data(scid2, b"data"),
+            ])
+        clear_mock_calls(h.outbound, h.inbound)
+
+        c202 = Close(202, scid2)
+        m.got_record(c202)
+        self.assertEqual(h.outbound.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.send_if_connected(Ack(202))
+            ])
+        self.assertEqual(h.inbound.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.is_record_old(c202),
+            mock.call.update_ack_watermark(202),
+            mock.call.handle_close(scid2),
+            ])
+        clear_mock_calls(h.outbound, h.inbound)
+
+        # Now we lose the connection. The Leader should tell the other side
+        # that we're reconnecting.
+
+        m.connector_connection_lost()
+        self.assertEqual(h.send.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.send("dilate-2",
+                           dict_to_bytes({"type": "reconnect"}))
+            ])
+        self.assertEqual(h.inbound.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.stop_using_connection()
+            ])
+        self.assertEqual(h.outbound.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.stop_using_connection()
+            ])
+        clear_mock_calls(h.send, h.inbound, h.outbound)
+
+        # leader does nothing (stays in FLUSHING) until the follower acks by
+        # sending RECONNECTING
+
+        # inbound hints should be ignored during FLUSHING
+        with mock.patch("wormhole._dilation.manager.parse_hint",
+                        return_value=None) as ph:
+            m.rx_HINTS({"hints": [1, 2, 3]})
+        self.assertEqual(ph.mock_calls, []) # ignored
+
+        c2 = mock.Mock()
+        connector2 = mock.Mock(return_value=c2)
+        with mock.patch("wormhole._dilation.manager.Connector", connector2):
+            # this triggers creation of a new Connector
+            m.rx_RECONNECTING()
+        self.assertEqual(h.send.mock_calls, [])
+        self.assertEqual(connector2.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call(b"\x00"*32, None, m, h.reactor, h.eq,
+                      False, # no_listen
+                      None, # tor
+                      None, # timing
+                      LEADER, roles.LEADER),
+            ])
+        self.assertEqual(c2.mock_calls, [mock.call.start()])
+        clear_mock_calls(connector2, c2)
+
+        self.assertEqual(h.inbound.mock_calls, [])
+        self.assertEqual(h.outbound.mock_calls, [])
+
+        # and a new connection should re-register with Inbound/Outbound,
+        # which are responsible for re-sending unacked queued messages
+        c3 = mock.Mock()
+        m.connector_connection_made(c3)
+
+        self.assertEqual(h.inbound.mock_calls, [mock.call.use_connection(c3)])
+        self.assertEqual(h.outbound.mock_calls, [mock.call.use_connection(c3)])
+        clear_mock_calls(h.inbound, h.outbound)
+
+    def test_follower(self):
+        m, h = make_manager(leader=False)
+
+        m.start()
+        self.assertEqual(h.send.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.send("dilate-0",
+                           dict_to_bytes({"type": "please", "side": FOLLOWER}))
+            ])
+        clear_mock_calls(h.send)
+
+        c = mock.Mock()
+        connector = mock.Mock(return_value=c)
+        with mock.patch("wormhole._dilation.manager.Connector", connector):
+            # receiving this PLEASE triggers creation of the Connector
+            m.rx_PLEASE({"side": LEADER})
+        self.assertEqual(h.send.mock_calls, [])
+        self.assertEqual(connector.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call(b"\x00"*32, None, m, h.reactor, h.eq,
+                      False, # no_listen
+                      None, # tor
+                      None, # timing
+                      FOLLOWER, roles.FOLLOWER),
+            ])
+        self.assertEqual(c.mock_calls, [mock.call.start()])
+        clear_mock_calls(connector, c)
+
+        # get connected, then lose the connection
+        c1 = mock.Mock()
+        m.connector_connection_made(c1)
+        self.assertEqual(h.inbound.mock_calls, [mock.call.use_connection(c1)])
+        self.assertEqual(h.outbound.mock_calls, [mock.call.use_connection(c1)])
+        clear_mock_calls(h.inbound, h.outbound)
+
+        # now lose the connection. As the follower, we don't notify the
+        # leader, we just wait for them to notice
+        m.connector_connection_lost()
+        self.assertEqual(h.send.mock_calls, [])
+        self.assertEqual(h.inbound.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.stop_using_connection()
+            ])
+        self.assertEqual(h.outbound.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.stop_using_connection()
+            ])
+        clear_mock_calls(h.send, h.inbound, h.outbound)
+
+        # now we get a RECONNECT: we should send RECONNECTING
+        c2 = mock.Mock()
+        connector2 = mock.Mock(return_value=c2)
+        with mock.patch("wormhole._dilation.manager.Connector", connector2):
+            m.rx_RECONNECT()
+        self.assertEqual(h.send.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call.send("dilate-1",
+                           dict_to_bytes({"type": "reconnecting"}))
+            ])
+        self.assertEqual(connector2.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call(b"\x00"*32, None, m, h.reactor, h.eq,
+                      False, # no_listen
+                      None, # tor
+                      None, # timing
+                      FOLLOWER, roles.FOLLOWER),
+            ])
+        self.assertEqual(c2.mock_calls, [mock.call.start()])
+        clear_mock_calls(connector2, c2)
+
+        # while we're trying to connect, we get told to stop again, so we
+        # should abandon the connection attempt and start another
+        c3 = mock.Mock()
+        connector3 = mock.Mock(return_value=c3)
+        with mock.patch("wormhole._dilation.manager.Connector", connector3):
+            m.rx_RECONNECT()
+        self.assertEqual(c2.mock_calls, [mock.call.stop()])
+        self.assertEqual(connector3.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call(b"\x00"*32, None, m, h.reactor, h.eq,
+                      False, # no_listen
+                      None, # tor
+                      None, # timing
+                      FOLLOWER, roles.FOLLOWER),
+            ])
+        self.assertEqual(c3.mock_calls, [mock.call.start()])
+        clear_mock_calls(c2, connector3, c3)
+
+        m.connector_connection_made(c3)
+        # finally if we're already connected, rx_RECONNECT means we should
+        # abandon this connection (even though it still looks ok to us), then
+        # when the attempt is finished stopping, we should start another
+
+        m.rx_RECONNECT()
+
+        c4 = mock.Mock()
+        connector4 = mock.Mock(return_value=c4)
+        with mock.patch("wormhole._dilation.manager.Connector", connector4):
+            m.connector_connection_lost()
+        self.assertEqual(c3.mock_calls, [mock.call.disconnect()])
+        self.assertEqual(connector4.mock_calls, [
+            mock.call(b"\x00"*32, None, m, h.reactor, h.eq,
+                      False, # no_listen
+                      None, # tor
+                      None, # timing
+                      FOLLOWER, roles.FOLLOWER),
+            ])
+        self.assertEqual(c4.mock_calls, [mock.call.start()])
+        clear_mock_calls(c3, connector4, c4)
+
+    def test_stop(self):
+        pass
+
+
+    def test_mirror(self):
+        # receive a PLEASE with the same side as us: shouldn't happen
+        pass